I Would Follow You

I would follow you
If you took a step
If you reached for my hand
But you’re standing still
As my heart beats
So loudly
Why aren’t we dancing to the rhythm
I visualize the steps
And wait for your feet to move
The clock ticks
And I want to shout
I would follow you!
If you glanced up at me
If you gave me a sign
But you’re a statue
A beautiful statue
And I’m fading away

White Rabbit

I’d follow you to the edge,                                                  You’re the white rabbit to my Alice, 

You keep my head spinning,

And you never have the time.

You caught my eye,

And I followed you down the rabbit hole,

Got lost in a fantasy,

Stuck in a game of chase.

Rabbits are fast,

And I’m just a girl,

You have places to be,

And this is your world. 

Can’t tell what’s real,

And what I’m imagining,

But I know it’s bound to end.

I’ll wake up confused and alone,

“Has anyone seen the white rabbit?”

You’ll be home with your queen,

Moving swiftly, like you do,

I’ll be under a tree,

Daydreaming of you.

No way to know if it was real,

Or simply, in my head,

No proof that we were ever us,

Just a whisper,

The ticking clock,

No time to say goodbye, hello,

You’re late.

Torture

You are my own torture
And I wonder
How many nights I’ll lie awake
Longing for your touch
Your words
Connection
Playing this juvenile game
A quest I’m always losing
Yet can’t resist another round
I reach out into the darkness
Hoping you’ll reach back
But I am left empty
Hollow and disappointed
I’m a transparent mess
Of all the things you know you can have
The reason you linger
By merely a thread
Rather than reach for my hand
I can’t change that about myself
I will always love you completely
And wish I could let you go
You hold pieces of me
That I’m afraid to lose
I see them in your eyes
And I wonder…
Indeed, you are my own torture

Still

I always let you get to me
I leave myself wide open
Maybe intentionally?
But I tried so hard to lie
Should’ve known you’d see it in my eyes
I didn’t want it to get complicated
To admit you leave me frustrated
I didn’t want it to change
My world is upside down, it’s strange
But I’m loving every fucking word you say
I miss you every day
And I feel it too
Don’t think I could ever get over you
My heart has never been so heavy
And I’ve never been less ready
I’m vulnerable, and I hate it
But it’s a hunger only you satiate
A feeling I reciprocate
I’m holding back
I’m holding back so hard
And I’m still failing
My emotions are derailing
I love you, why shouldn’t I declare it??
It’s simple, unethical to share it
But battle hearts and battle minds
Which do you choose to leave behind?
A chance in the dark
Or stable, common routine
Deciding won’t change how much you mean
It never has
It never will
And here I am, standing still

Ive never been more afraid to move

Futile Truth

I mean to say no

But swallow down hard

My body says yes

And my lips aren’t far

I mean to detach

It’s not what we are

You somehow gain access

Straight to my heart

I mean to let go

It isn’t a choice

I lie in the dark

Still hearing your voice

I mean to retreat

Come full-force instead

Keeping my heart

In a duel with my head

I mean to step back

It’s all in good fun

And yet, I feel broken

When all’s said and done

I mean to be honest

But say I don’t care

The truth’s unavailing

And you’re well aware

It’s Not Romance

It’s not romance

It’s adventure

I always was an explorer

Terrain rediscovered

My body is bare

But I know in the morning

You wont be here

 

Not that high up

Yet I’m falling

I always did lose my footing

Balance regained

You drop me a line

I know I don’t need to

But I reach every time

 

You don’t have to ask

I’m still telling

I always tend to speak my mind

I feel like a fool

But can’t stop caring

You’re under-enthused

And I’m oversharing

 

I untangle the web

You re-spin it

I always was fond of the hunt

But I cannot resist you

I’m caught up inside

The hunger’s insatiable

You eat me alive

 

It’s not bittersweet

Just bitter

I always had a taste for that

The words fall out

My mouth is dry

You look so refreshing

But I know it’s a lie

 

“It’s not romance

It’s adventure”

So, why am I feeling this way

Say it enough

Let it sink in

Repeat the words

… Emotions still win

 

 

 

 

I Felt Alive

Sit on your pedestal
Hide behind your lies
Judge my indiscretions
Cause you’re numb inside

I gave in to desire
So call me whore
Won’t claim to be a saint
I tried that before

Attempt to tear me down again
Maybe I’m a flirt
My pride doesn’t need defending
I loved the way it hurt

Go on and call me dirty
I like the way it sounds
I thought of your perfection
While my knees were on the ground

Intoxicating power
Surging deep inside
It wasn’t my finest hour
But I felt alive
I felt alive

Not A Love Song

Contrary to popular belief
My heart’s not skipping beats
It’s hitting every note
There’s no lump in my throat
Don’t have to say the words
I can show you the next verse
Slide this face down south
I’ll shut my mouth, I’ll shut my mouth
Just want to get you nude
And do some dirty things to you
Let vessels intertwine
Sparks don’t have to fly
Its a fire I’m eager to start
These flames don’t touch my heart
Maybe cause this isn’t a love song
So glad this isn’t a love song

Judgement Day

He stares at me icily
Fixated, frozen, questioning eyes
He knows I hate the cold
Shivering, heart racing
I never could keep a secret
Exposed

As I lie here
Less than fulfilled
Reasoning
Contemplating past actions
Was it wrong?
God, it felt so right

Memories
Soul filled with fire
Bruised, but sufficiently fucked
Intoxicating connection
Still on my lips
I’d do it all again

Knowing the end is this…
Judgment day
Transgressions unforgiven
Inexcusable, exiled
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust

Fire

The fire burns
I lie awake
Watching the grey pollute the sky
My face, dirty from the smoke
Embers flashing memories
A warmth that floods the heart
The days that awaited the fall of dark
When passion could take precedence
We waited eagerly
Resisting primal urges
Until the last of daylight slipped behind the mountains
Hands roaming under sleeping bags
You were my weakness
The shadows danced
Completely in sync with the flames
My heart raced
A look exchanged between forbidden lovers
Drawn to the glow
My eyes refused to close
Undeniable lust won
Every moment you were mine
The coals burned through the night
As did we
But with the rising of the sun
We couldn’t hide
The fire died
Hesitantly, we broke our grasp
Our secret turned to ash